Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
