What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am naked and annoyed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
