Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
