You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
