you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
