how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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