My nipple is on Facebook.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
