my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
