white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
