Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
