I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
