here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he puts the penis in happiness.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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