my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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