i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
