I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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