look no pants
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
