Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
