dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
