I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My life is pants optional.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
