Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
