i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
