His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
