dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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