Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
