Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
