I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
