Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
These tits shall not be calmed
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
