Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
