is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
