He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
