so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
