Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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