Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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