All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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