i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
