Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
