that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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