She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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