i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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