He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
