so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
