so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
