Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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