I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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