i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
