Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
