Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
