I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I could fuck to npr.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
