I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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