I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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